On Rejection, and Not Giving Up

Isaac Asimov once said that rejection slips are like "lacerations of the soul, if not quite inventions of the devil." I've been thinking about rejection a lot lately, in part because I recently gave a talk on this topic to the wonderful writers of the Capital Christian Writers group.

In my talk, I referenced the remarkable tenacity of cartoonist Tom Toro, who submitted 609 cartoons to The New Yorker that were all rejected. Then, finally, his 610th cartoon struck gold, and he achieved his longtime dream of being published in The New Yorker.  I've posted his very funny cartoon.

I have plenty of my own rejection stories. A few years ago, I wrote a personal essay about my often-strained relationship with my mother, who is Vietnamese. I called it "The Saving Grace of Spring Rolls." I poured my heart into this story, which talked about how making my mother's beloved spring roll recipe brought us together when other things drove us apart. I believed in that story.

Over the course of three years, I submitted that story to over a dozen magazines and two writing contests. It originally was about 1,800 words long. When that didn't get me anywhere, I pared it down. When that still didn't work, I reworked it, striving to find its essence. I kept sending it out, and it kept getting rejected.

At some point, I took out a piece of paper and wrote "Never give up" on it five times, like this:

Never give up
Never give up
Never give up
Never give up
Never give up

I kept that on my desk. I kept going. I didn't give up.

In November 2012, I submitted my essay to Ladies Home Journal, which had a "Story Behind the Recipe" column. By that point, my expectations were tempered. And, in predictable fashion, I heard nothing. The following February, I submitted a shorter version of my essay to the Bethesda Literary Festival writing competition in Maryland.

Finally, I caught a break. The essay earned an "honorable mention" in the competition. I was thrilled that this essay that I so believed in had finally earned some validation.
 
Then, one day in July, I had a phone call from an editor at Ladies Home Journal, a full eight months after I had submitted to them. The editor apologized for keeping me waiting and said she wanted to publish my spring roll story. Believe me, that call was so worth the wait. My piece appeared in Ladies Home Journal last May.

I've come to realize that rejection is simply the universe's way of telling me that I am brave and strong, and that I am pushing myself into new and possibly uncharted territory. Rejection means that I am gaining ground, not losing it.  I've come to view it as my old and helpful friend.

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So, here is some of my hard-earned advice on what to do if you're rejected:

1) Put your work away for a little while...maybe a day, a week, or a month, so you can come back to it with fresh eyes. Work on something else. Keep writing, no matter what.

2) Read more, and do more research. If you've been told that your story or pitch isn't the right fit for that publication, then read more of that publication. Try to discern why your piece didn't work for them. Do they only accept horror stories, and you submitted romance? Do they want only 500-word pieces and yours was War and Peace? Or was your tone simply off? 

3) Have more than one iron in the fire. If one piece doesn't seem to be clicking, it helps to have other pieces or story ideas to be working on and submitting. Make sure you're keeping track of where you're submitting and what kind of response you're getting.

4) Get feedback. Join a critique group (in person or online) and learn from constructive criticism. 

5) Consider ways to rework your story for a different audience. If you've written a personal essay, can you add some reporting to make it more journalistic? If you're pitching an article, can you make it more personal?

6) Try some rejection therapy. I read about this man named Jason Comely, who came up with a card game called Rejection Therapy, in which cards offer ways for you to face rejection at least once every day--things like, "Ask to cut in front of the line" or "Offer to help someone with their groceries" or "In a restaurant, ask for something that is not on the menu." The idea is to desensitize yourself to the feeling of being hurt and demoralized when you are rejected, and to help you realize that the process of submission and rejection is really just an exchange of information.

In that vein, here is a short list of my "writing rejection therapy" prompts:

        * Tweet to an editor of a publication you admire
        * Submit an article or a story to a publication you've never tried before
        * Write a fan letter to a published author asking for advice
        * Enter a writing contest
        * Sign up to read your work at an open mic night

(Full disclosure: I've done four out of those five things. I guess it's time to look for an open mic.)

7) Finally, and this is most important, never give up. Repeat it five times if you have to, but never give up.